Life as a toddler

Well, I had great plans of posting something fun and crafty, but as some of you are probably terribly familiar, life sometimes get in the way. I've been a bit blue lately about the increasing challenges of raising my little girl, and I'm currently really wondering if I'm up for the job. She's just a little over 2 1/2 now, and I guess we're well into the phase that many warned us about. It's so frustrating when our days are filled with battles, struggles, and tears... I miss the days where she was so happy and cheerful to just hang out, read books, play with toys, etc. Instead, her current favorite activity seems to be pushing mom's buttons as often as possible, ignoring mom's requests (or commands!) to stop, being obstinate, and creating impossible situations. Ugh! I know that so many of you have already been through this (or are currently in the midst with me), and so I keep telling myself that I can do this. But, each day becomes harder than the last, and my patience and mental fortitude appear to be fading fast.

I'm beginning to wonder if the fact that I work from home is part of the problem: because she sees me home all the time, I think she feels that I am at her disposal. It's *very* challenging to set limits and boundaries when I'm right next to her or in the next room. On top of that, our situation is one that inevitably leads to lots of guilt on my part - if I'm playing with her I feel guilty that I'm not working more, and if I'm working, I'm guilty of not spending enough time with my girl! I can't even begin to imagine what this would be like if I had 2 or even more children.

And so, I continue to hope that I am growing stronger and more patient, and that she and I will find a way to happily coexist through this time while she explores boundaries, learns to assert herself, and continues to investigate her roles in life. I know that all of the behaviors we're seeing are normal and an important part of her development, but more often than not I feel completely incapable of parenting in a responsible and effective manner.

Thanks for bearing with me on this post... this is what is at the forefront of my mind at the moment, and I need to find some way to process and learn from what we're going through. I'm hoping to get back to my old self really soon!

Comments

[Nichola]

I know just how you feel. My little one Mia (20 months old) is starting that way, i'm hopeing it doesn't get worse as it's hard enough as it is with a baby too.
I hope you work things out and feel better soon, don't worry, i'm sure every mother goes through this.

[Amanda]

Yes, this is a frustrating stage, but I know you'll get through it! I'm so impressed that you've been able to work from home as I could never get that to work, even when Max was an infant. Oh, and I think guilt is an integral part of being a mom, so you're in the normal range! Hang in there, you can do it!

[persephone]

If you made the decision to work outside of the home, that might, perhaps, make her more eager for your attention and she could become clingy. I know that it is difficult, but all I can tell you is that it WILL get better, and you will soon forget the trials of the "terrible two's". In the meantime, try to get some help from Mr. Buzzville and perhaps take the little one to the park or something on the weekend and let you get some work done or do something for YOURSELF. My husband gives me time like this once a week and it is SUCH a help. If he disagrees, I'll give him a talking to for ya. *wink wink*

[Rose]

Does Brynne belong to any play groups? Just having a few hours a week away from you and around other kids (all going through the same thing) would probably do wonders for you both! Good luck! (And BTW, this phase passes pretty quickly)

[jennifer]

my little girl will be three in may - so i'm right there with you. i work (at an arts center) three days a week and spend the other four with her. it's fabulous and it's impossible - feeling good about the balance, being patient enough with her so she can have fun (she's just a kid), but also finding (setting and sticking with) limits i think are appropriate can be nearly impossible, guilt inducing and impossible (did i say that?). some days are fun, silly and the best though - look for those - they'll be there! (i'd love to add your blog link to mine!)

[Susan]

It's good to know that we are not alone in our quests to raise our children. I too have a young son (22 1/2 months old) who has started asserting himself, and who tests us on a regular basis. He has been a bit of a 'dream' child; was always a good sleeper and ate whatever was put in front of him. We now have tears at bedtime and I am regularly re-wiping the kitchen floor, amongst other things! I have to keep reminding myself that his behaviour is normal and he is learning to push boundaries that will help in shaping his personality and future, and, whilst I don't want to raise a bully/thug, I certainly don't want to raise a doormat either. Make no mistake, we have the most important, challenging, difficult and rewarding job there could be. Here's to all the Mummy's around the world!

[Alison]

Ahh Kelly - I know how you feel. We turned a huge corner sometime in the last month - and things are calmer, enough to breathe a little, and feel like Max is listening to us. Our thing at the moment is toilet training and the enormous pressure I feel for him to 'get it'.

Mr Buzzville - sounds like something from a sex shop (sorry, I've just been chuckling...it's been a long day)

[Jackie]

Don't give her away yet. It WILL change and then you'll have the next issues. Believe it or not two kids are easier than one. Maybe you can have a friend for her over regularly so she is not so lonely.

[Catherine]

Big ((hug)). I dont have children, but have half a dozen neices and nephews, and from what I've seen it does get better - significantly better once they start school.

[paula]

well! imagine this: i had a little baby (5 moths) and i got pregnant again! now, mercedes is three and a half years, and guadalupe is two and a half! im becoming a little crazy somedays and its hard to see this is the best part of our lives! dont feel blue... i understand you and may be it would help if you know that there is a mom in argentina that is going through the same as you do. im also a working mom and i feel terrible leaving the house for eight hours. i send you a big hugh.

[hannah]

oh kelly! i feel your pain. eliot did the same thing at this age, and thats when we realized that he needed more interaction than we could provide. he started going to a half day program two times a week and it really made a difference. being around other kids and expending energy outside of the house made everyone else happy. hang in there!

[ani]

Ruby is 22 months old and she is starting to really assert herself. "STOP! STOP!" and "NO!NO!NO!" are her rallying cries as of late. Hugs to you and we'll all make it through to the other side (hopefully in one piece with our sanity!).

[Snowbear]

Hi Kelly,
I love it when you post about your feelings---don't apologize and don't stop!
You sound like you are right where I am at with my boy---and I'm also at a juncture where I realize I need my work in order to be happy so I can be happy when we are together and not cranky and resentful. Lose the guilt, it's good for no one. And this too shall pass. Since I'm at home too, I share a lot of this with you. It's all normal aren't you glad?!!!

[chelee]

Oh how I know what your going through. My little girl will be 13 in February. I too didn't think I could handle her "stages" but you do. It might not be perfect every time but it all comes out in the wash.

Now that she's turning 13, I have a whole new batch of fears and challenges at my doorstep. The time flew by between birth and 13.

[lisa]

i don't have kids, but i can only imagine how you must feel...she is at a hard age. and that will change, as all things do (thank god)...my heart goes out to you. this was an eloquent and honest post. hang in there. i am SURE you are doing a fabulous job at both your job and motherhood...it's just hard to see when you are in it.

[Neefer]

This too shall pass ... until she's a teenager. :o)

I can't say enough good about daycare.

[Marie]

You poor thing! I don't have children of my own, but I'm around them a lot and I can imagine what you're going through. I offer no advice except chocolate. It makes everything better! :)

[Jenn]

I know exactly what you are going through!! It has been a little while since I have had a "terrible two" since my other kids are 8 and 11 but it is all coming back to me now!! (CJ is also 2 1/2) I go to bed sometimes feeling like I am just the worst mother because I can't be like super nanny. When you ask people for advice no one gives you the same answer...and books all tell you something different too. I am staying home with this little one as well and I worked when my others were little. I thought I was doing such a wonderful thing giving up my career to be a full time mom...and now everyone tells me to put him in day care a few mornings a week!! argh!! so, I have no advice other then to let you know at least one person (and I am sure many, many more) feel the same. We just have to have some good merlot and a fun night without the kids every now and then...

[katie]

Unlike most of the commenters, I can't tell you that I've been there or that I know what you're going through. No kids here yet. But I will say thank you to you (and to so many other craftsy mom bloggers) for adding honest bits about parenting. Your stories show me, as a someday craftsy mom, how a kid will and won't fit into my life. Reading entries like this helps me think realistically and hopefully about my own future. And don't appologize for not posting about the artsy stuff--how you balance kids and art is a part of your creative life.

[Sharon]

Hi. I've just discovered your blog site, explored its links and I am hopelessly hooked and inspired! I have a son, Donovan, who was born May 19th 2003! So we are going through the same thing. He is amazingly adept at dodging and weaving our attempts to curb his behavior--redirection long ago became an ineffective tactic. I have to be reminded constantly that he has basically no impulse control at this age, so my frustration towards him are due to my own expectation that he "listen" to me--and I am not a patient being.
Anyway, just thought I would sympathize.